you made me cry.thank you.

i am angry.
yes i am angry and frustrated and not just because MJ died.

and im still laughing.laughing at how my life just has a despicable sense of timing.
i never sense it coming.and when it does,its all over me.
but the time factor never,ever vanishes.

you have been with me for two years now.maybe even more.
but when i wanted you to just vanish,why do you still stick to me like this.
Just when i thought i was being released of that heavy burden you decided to hang on.





you delayed.

you are my parasite.
you suck out all my confidence.
just like that.
just by being there.

you do nothing.you just watch me.
and you laugh to yourself.
you laugh at my insecurity.
you rejoice at my incapability.

you have reduced my laughter to a mere giggle.you know me inside out and that scares me.
and so i want you removed.
but you just won't budge would you?

you are stuck to me.
and when i look in the mirror, i see you.
beaming back at me.glowing,even.
laughing that you are still there.
i feel angry.
and sad.
i cried for you yesterday.even though i know you don't deserve any of that emotion.
you don't have any emotion.



because i'm the human.
you are just a parasite.
a piece of metal.


17 july 2009.
you will be gone.
i won't miss you.
or cry for you.




but maybe when i'm older i'll just thank you.
for making me cry yesterday.
i realised you do not matter at all.
goodbye.



























p.s- i was talking about my braces.

stay.

Im still scared,
scared that this,
like everything else,


this,
too shall pass.
stay.








please?

the blog effect.

my blog is affecting people.

no seriously it is.
its all over the place.

some of the after effects of my blogging were:

1)paris hilton decided to gift her pooch a sunny yellow undie.
a source close to the socialite confirms by saying-"yes.paris loves her pooch.and she feels that her pooch must reflect her own conservative mindset.plus she's adamant that her pooch must wear an undie until it mates with george clooney's dog/dogs."




2)ugh.don't ask.







3)robert pattinson wore an underwear for a latest photo shoot claiming he was campaigning for AIDS.speaking of the metrosexual colour (pink) that he chose to wear he said-" i insisted on wearing a pink one since it kinda translated on the shoot the REAL ME.(we wonder what that means really.)an i loved it so much i have been wearing it even after the shoot got over."



no wonder he got hit by a taxi.by a brunette driving the taxi none the less.








4) and BRITNEY WORE AN UNDIE!!!!!!.FINALLY.


speaking to the media, fallen-from-fame britney's PR manager said-" britney is a very spiritual person.she is now waiting for a new religion to come her way since she has finally left kaballah.she believes with all her doped heart that wearing a nice undie will lead her to nirvana by making up for all the bad karma.infact the posivity generated is evident.she's glowing.and no,its not dope this time."





5)closer home, young artist deeganto joardar was spotted wearing an undie over his pants at various occasions.
a close friend says of the incident-" i think it makes him feel more machoistic.or maybe its because he has grown up with superman and spiderman comics."








so you see.
my blog is affecting people in more ways than one.
so.
go.
read.


p.s-- hehe sorry deeg but i just HAD to add you to the list.

you know who you are.

when you get back i'll be gone.
buried under.
burdened.

if it had to happen,it would have.
but it didn't.
and now you'r going away.
and no.you wont come back.

you have no choice.
even if you did,
you won't use it.
it's your future.
your college.
and you're only just 17.

you know you have no choice.


i know i don't speak much.
don't know you much.
and i don't even have your number on speed dial.
damn,
i don't even have your number.
but i see you.
everyday.

and when i see you,
i see myself.
you scare me sometimes.
not the hair.
just you.
the things you do.
the coincidences.
i wan't you to know me.
better than you do now.
get scared.

but you don't.
why won't you?

you come into my life just once in a while.
flutter around on the surface.
then you go away.
why won't you stay?

then again,
it makes no sense at all.
we have never met.
shall never meet.


so how does it matter at all.

i'll get over you.
you'll come up again once in a while.
flutter around.
then go away.

but you will be remembered.


atleast once a year.
when i grow a year older.once.
so,
before you go.
i wan't you to know this,
and i mean it from my heart,
you are a beautiful person.
and i shall always remember you for that.

p.s-you know who you are.i don't have to tell you this.
for others who could not figure out shit about this post,i won't blame you.you won't get it.so stop wondering.this one's for you.:)

the STUFF i did with shoes.

i did STUFF with my friends shoes.

kinkay eh?

hah.not really.
some 2 months back i realised(a little too late if i may add) that i had to buy my friend jyothi a gift.

now thats the funny thing.
people do this all the time.
BUY a gift.(i learnt it the hard way actually,my fourth standard grammar teacher gave me a zero for writing 'rosie made a gift for her uncle' and not 'rosie bought a gift for her uncle')
so i just decided to make her a gift,which was a good idea since i had only a few hours to get her a gift.:D

so i rushed to the roadside shop opposite D-mart and bought these mismatched chappals that only a hippie like jyothi would wear.the idea that struck me initially was that i would buy just one slipper and scribble on it to make it look more huggable..but the guy REFUSED to give me only one slipper,so i had to buy both(which was ok,because at 100 bucks it was a major ripoff...i bought a permanent marker and

DANG.
here comes her SUPERK customized chappals.
heres what they looked like.






AND SHE LOVED THEM.
yayay.

soon after,i people started asking me to do their shoes and boy was i glad or what.
to paint on canvas is nice but painting converses,kicks,chappals...i mean THAT is THAT.

and since the offers haven't stopped flowing,im busy painting kicks all the time.
i did monteiro's orange converse and am currently doing ramya's reebok kicks.
im hoping to raise the bar with every passing shoe (:0 hah,thats so unlike me,im surprised i wrote it.)
and here are monteiro's converse.(oh and dont look at my hand.its dirty from all the silver marker stains.yuck.)







DARN.i have to end this blog.im off to ahmedabad for a reception.and yes ramya,i will do your shoe as soon as i come back.

peace.

undefined and unmatched earrings.

Decisions made from desperation
No way to go
Internal instincts craving isolation
For me to grow
My fears come alive
In this place where I once died
Demons dreamingKnowing I...I just needed to realign

Which alignment are you?
In some role-playing games, alignment is a categorisation of the moral and ethical perspective of the charecter a player is playing. This is represented in a two-dimensional grid, one axis of which measures a "moral" continuum between good and evil, and the other "ethical" between law and chaos, with a middle ground of "neutrality" on both axes for those who are indifferent, committed to balance, or lacking the capacity to judge. So which are you? Take the quiz and find out!


*******************************
so i just took this quiz on facebook...and even though the name sounds really weird i took it on an impulse.i mean the first time i read the name of the quiz i figured it must be something to do with dicks and stuff but turns out it was just a normal personality quiz typo...

and the result was: True Neutral :)
Called the "Undecided" or "Nature's" alignment, this alignment represents neutral on both axes, and tends not to feel strongly towards any alignment. Some neutral characters, rather than feeling undecided, are committed to a balance between the alignments. They may see good, evil, law and chaos as simply prejudices and dangerous extremes. A farmer whose only concern is to feed his family is of this alignment. Most animals, lacking the capacity for moral judgement, are of this alignment. Laura Croft, Han Solo, and Gregory House are all lawful neutral charecters.

NEUTRAL? hah.bang on.


(sometimes i wonder how facebook knows me so well.i guess its somethin to do with me being online everysingle day for more than just 'a few hours')
now,i have ALWAYS been neutral and selfish,like the farmer who's concerned only about feeding his own family.and i NEVER take my own decisions for some reason because i can never really balance out the pro's and con's....
so much so that even if you take me out for dinner and hand me the menu card i'll just brush it aside and ask you to decide.its a different thing if i go out to dinner alone (which i most probably will on my 30th birthday considering the fact that im apparantly 'showing signs of becoming an anti-social')..in such a case i'll just call the cutest waiter available and ask him for the days special dish.
perhaps its in my genes.like the way my mom can never decide which earrings to wear with which(hah.thts why i never wear earrings).:P
but really it doesn't matter.its always easier to shed it off on someone else.
*********************************************************************************
You're indecisive when it comes to making any plans
you're on the fence
you give me reasons I never seem to understand,
they don't make sense
maybe ain't enough for my heart
we'll see, ain't off to a great start
baby, I want you to be mine,
you better hurry
‘cause if I change my mind
****************************************************************************************
p.s--can any russian reading this blog please tell me what 'moje slike' means?

chaddi shopping and the memories of yesterday.

:)]
Q: do you know what a chaddi is?(hah,i bet you dont.)
so i was telling my firangi friend that i created my own blogsite.
and instead of the usual response that i expected ("oh cool man.lol..i wanna read it..haha.."),what i got for a response was a : "ok.nice.BUTT....WHAT'S A CHADDI?"
now,it hurt my sentiments tht she didn't know what it was.....................यह क्या है?
Q: yeh chaddi kya hai?
for those who don't it yet.damnit chaddi=underwear.
^_^
so now you know what it means, go figure.
...........................................................................................................................................................................
a memory:
i'm trying to keep pace with my mom striding past all the shops in the heat of the summer.summers at lucknow.
i was 8.
she grabs my hand and swirls me into a shop.she notices the melting ice cream on my blue lacy frock,grunts and wipes it away.
she asks the cock-eyed man sitting at the counter--"how much for those printed chaddi's?"
...............................................................................................................