Since I haven't really written anything in a really long time and because it IS infact the New Year (2 days past) and because I have a sore neck, I'm going to waste a little more of this cyberspace to mention to you, my, er, feelings.
1. OKAY I'M REALLY DYING HERE. The word 'feeling' sounds pansy now, almost non-negotiably attention seeking. Maybe I've changed a lot in the past year (College bro) but writing about my feelings seems almost distant. Maybe I've overdone it in the past, stuffed your faces with my sorrows, forced down my guilt down your throat (EW) but I want to stop that now. Not to mention that I am sick of being stalked and added-as-a-friend-on-fb by some of the followers who prefer to DEAL with my feelings (GAHHH, PANSY.)
Accomodation: 5 strikes. That's all I get for a post. More than 5, backspace every word typed till then and never think of it again.)
2. I feel like (Strike 1) I exaggerate my life. Well, my friends feel like I exaggerate it. I mean, right now I feel my life is so lazy-lumpy-boring that noone would even want to live it. But when I explain incidents to some friends, I feel like (Strike 2) they don't believe me. I don't lie about them, I just use gestures and go into describing details. What if I end up like that old guy from 'Big Fish' with the story of his life. Man, even I didn't believe it. Maybe he wasn't trying to, but he just exaggerated and that's how it sounded like a lie (?).
Anywho, my life is going to be like that. Exaggerated, but mostly true.
3. I think (Strike 2 and a half) I always jinx it with the guys. Really, I do. How does a perfectly average person ruin anything before it even begins? Anyway, girls ranting away about guys is another thing I don't want to go into because it's immature.
4. I thought I was an explorer. An unsatisfied tramp. A famished traveller. Turns out, I'm the cheeky little dingo who roams the roads to see the world and stops at just 3 blocks from where he began ONLY, and ONLY because he was scared of exploring. Okay, I'm scared (Strike 3) of exploring. What if it gets me nothing? What if it makes me realize that all the time I had looked for the wrong things and found the right thing and then came back to find it gone? Or belonging to someone else? For those who think, by exploring I mean, only in terms of travelling places, I'm sorry but you are wrong and no, I'm not giving it away so easily.
5. I can't write about serious things anymore. (^Strike 3 and a half)
6. I suck at photography and theatre, two of my greatest passions. I got the lowest GPA for these two courses and there are people who are SO good at it in my college that I have no intention of pursuing them any further. (Self pity is a quarter strike so, Strike 3 and three fourths.)
7. This new year I have realized how extremely average I am, in general. I was never brilliant in school. Never brilliant at any sport, never played an instrument, never got selected for any cultural event, never been popular, never been the good human being either. I was always second at what I was even remotely good at. I haven't won a drawing competition in god knows, 7 years? I have never been awarded nor paid for my writing, my photography, my shoes.
I'm just so average it's beginning to annoy me. I'm not saying I am good for nothing. I am, infact good at quite a few things.
"But when the world start to give back?" (Can't remember who said it, but it was in Glee.)
When do people acknowledge the average, if ever?
There goes your New Year post.
3 comments:
i dunno if admiration is a way of giving back,but i certainly admire your writing.so what if you're average at everything?you certainly aren't average at writing,and certainly not average at photography.true,there's always a bigger fish,there's always the smaller fish as well.theres a real tough thing to do-imagine yourself in a room with nothing but blank space and a single mirror,no voices,no equivocations.you look at the mirror,and you see yourself exactly for who you are,and not who others paint you to be.you'll find you're far more amazing(and not at all average).and if its a consolation,you're not the only average person who yearns for something in return from this world :)
keep writing,keep exciting me with your beautiful flow of words,keep pouring your heart out with honesty(for the record,i dont think you've lied in your writings,so see,you dont lie all the time ;) )
and happy new year :)
Its the case with all of us, not being remotely closed to being the best at things we love.
Only a very select few get to be the best.That's the way life is.
Photography and Theatre pursue both please.I always liked your photography.I mean at least a dozen people have a good display picture thanks to you.
Whenever i feel like giving anything i enjoy doing because i feel in comparison there are others who are better, i go watch Frank Abagnle Sr Tell his Son the story of two mice who fell in a bucket of milk.One gave up Drowned and died, the other thrashed around till morning..Milk became Curd..He lived to fight another day.The story always inspired me to keep doing things.Frost with the poem Stopping by the woods on a snowy evening also manages to do that.
What would be the point of life if we give up things we love just because we think others are better?
And i Disagree with you, your not average.Your a highly talented person who i respect a lot. :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ULRosL7AOpk
Acknowledging the average :)
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