My.
blog.
is.
back.
But.
I'm.
NOT.
NOT.
NOT.
Okay?
Okay.
I'm numbed out.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Monday, September 28, 2009
rummaging.holding.deleting.
walking down the crowded alley,
she hears none of it.
she ignores the noise.
listens to the murmering of the moss growing to her left instead.
the faster she walks,the closer it gets.
the faces blur and the shops end.
its just her and the moss.
that's when she begins to realize.
she is alone.and she can't stop.not yet.
there is no other way out.
out of the moss.
a moment of stark truth.
a moment denied.
and thus she spoke.
and thus she dies.
engraved in the moss.
hidden in her lies.
^read between the lines.
you'll know what i mean.
*******
i bunked school today apparantly to finish the chemistry project but oh well,i haven't even saved the info yet.
so i guess blogging right now would be a good idea.
finally i seem to have moved on.
my life is still stagnant.sifting.but that's okay.
i figured the easiest way to get over someone was to press delete.
i deleted 433 messages.
some pictures.
his number.
i have stopped messaging.
not that it ever mattered.
soon enough i shall forget him.
even the good things.
which by the way,is better that way.
and maybe one day,i'll be strong enough to bump into him somewhere and not regret the past.
or whatever is left of it.
maybe one day,when i'm 40 and old and bored,i'll try and put together his face in my mind.
and be strong enough to smile about it.
maybe one fine day ramya will call up and ask me what he's up to and i won't flinch.
i'll just say something like "oh him? uh i don't know.i'm hardly in touch anymore."
maybe one day,i'll save his number on my cellphone again.
send a message.
and hopefully i won't get sad when he doesn't reply back.
that day.
whenever it may come,i shall know,i have grown up.
and i won't look back ever again.
***
^ thats dida.
i clicked it while she was visiting during the puja's.
she was rummaging through her purse for combiflam and it reminded me of this post.
she hears none of it.
she ignores the noise.
listens to the murmering of the moss growing to her left instead.
the faster she walks,the closer it gets.
the faces blur and the shops end.
its just her and the moss.
that's when she begins to realize.
she is alone.and she can't stop.not yet.
there is no other way out.
out of the moss.
a moment of stark truth.
a moment denied.
and thus she spoke.
and thus she dies.
engraved in the moss.
hidden in her lies.
^read between the lines.
you'll know what i mean.
*******
i bunked school today apparantly to finish the chemistry project but oh well,i haven't even saved the info yet.
so i guess blogging right now would be a good idea.
finally i seem to have moved on.
my life is still stagnant.sifting.but that's okay.
i figured the easiest way to get over someone was to press delete.
i deleted 433 messages.
some pictures.
his number.
i have stopped messaging.
not that it ever mattered.
soon enough i shall forget him.
even the good things.
which by the way,is better that way.
and maybe one day,i'll be strong enough to bump into him somewhere and not regret the past.
or whatever is left of it.
maybe one day,when i'm 40 and old and bored,i'll try and put together his face in my mind.
and be strong enough to smile about it.
maybe one fine day ramya will call up and ask me what he's up to and i won't flinch.
i'll just say something like "oh him? uh i don't know.i'm hardly in touch anymore."
maybe one day,i'll save his number on my cellphone again.
send a message.
and hopefully i won't get sad when he doesn't reply back.
that day.
whenever it may come,i shall know,i have grown up.
and i won't look back ever again.
***
^ thats dida.
i clicked it while she was visiting during the puja's.
she was rummaging through her purse for combiflam and it reminded me of this post.
Friday, September 18, 2009
the week that was.
a lot has happened over the past one and a half weeks.
a lot.
not all of it was awesome.
but somewhere down the line it helped me see things for the way they are.
and ultimately i found something i never knew existed.
i found strength.
people close to me will tell you that i am, more often than not controlled by my emotions.
yes.i cry often.more than the usual often.
even for the smallest of things.
like the one time ponu told me that i 'spoke like a man.'
i don't even know what he meant by that.
i cried for THAT.
so many things happened this week,im surprised i didn't shed a single tear.
not one.
and i do not feel bottled up.
did i know somehow that it was coming?
was i ready for it?
was that the reason i didn't cry?
or was it because i was too angry to do so?
this week i figured that the reason i did not cry was because i didn't want to.
because i was strong enough to go through it without breaking down.
when i told ray about the 'things' that happened,there was a moments pause.
"adrita,are you crying?"
"no."
"you know,if i were you i would cry."
"but i don't feel like crying."
i didn't.
and for some reason,that made me feel incredibly grown up.
of all the adjectives people have used to describe me,no one has EVER used the word 'strong'.
but i know now.
i didn't even cry when i saw my physics marks.
>_>
also.
i have been spending a lot of 'alone' time.
not even ness knows about it.
but everyday after returning back from tuitions,i don't go home straight away.
last week i sat next to the swimming pool for half an hour.
i played 'stairway to heaven' seven times before heading back home.
it has become my favorite place in the world.
with all the little lamps.
and all the water.
just me,the water and the music.:)
and sometimes the moon.
try it sometime.
and day before yesterday i headed towards the park behind serien's house.
the quiet one.
the one that no one visits.
i called up jo and ray.
and we spoke a lot.
i played 'i'm yours' seven times.
i sat there until they turned off the lamp lights.
i needed that time alone.
someone recently told me that there is a kind of weird space in my head where no one is allowed to enter.
i see what he meant,now.
the week that was, wasn't entirely bad.
i went to janupada,the slums near my house to click pictures for the photography contest.
soul searching.
i told them i was rupa didi from HT.
the slum kids posed.
even their mothers.
and they danced a lot too.
here are the final entries that i sent.
^somehow,his eyes and her radiant smile was what got me hooked onto this photograph.
^
this was their hrithik roshan pose.
they all seemed so unbelievely happy.
in all.
i realised that sometimes i just need to listen to what i say.
for the contest we had to give the picture a caption,
and it struck me just now about how relevant it was to my week.
the week that was.
and i was the one who wrote the caption.
hilarious.
"sometimes when you reach the end of the dark tunnel,you realise that the light that led you through it was indeed your radiant smile."
a lot.
not all of it was awesome.
but somewhere down the line it helped me see things for the way they are.
and ultimately i found something i never knew existed.
i found strength.
people close to me will tell you that i am, more often than not controlled by my emotions.
yes.i cry often.more than the usual often.
even for the smallest of things.
like the one time ponu told me that i 'spoke like a man.'
i don't even know what he meant by that.
i cried for THAT.
so many things happened this week,im surprised i didn't shed a single tear.
not one.
and i do not feel bottled up.
did i know somehow that it was coming?
was i ready for it?
was that the reason i didn't cry?
or was it because i was too angry to do so?
this week i figured that the reason i did not cry was because i didn't want to.
because i was strong enough to go through it without breaking down.
when i told ray about the 'things' that happened,there was a moments pause.
"adrita,are you crying?"
"no."
"you know,if i were you i would cry."
"but i don't feel like crying."
i didn't.
and for some reason,that made me feel incredibly grown up.
of all the adjectives people have used to describe me,no one has EVER used the word 'strong'.
but i know now.
i didn't even cry when i saw my physics marks.
>_>
also.
i have been spending a lot of 'alone' time.
not even ness knows about it.
but everyday after returning back from tuitions,i don't go home straight away.
last week i sat next to the swimming pool for half an hour.
i played 'stairway to heaven' seven times before heading back home.
it has become my favorite place in the world.
with all the little lamps.
and all the water.
just me,the water and the music.:)
and sometimes the moon.
try it sometime.
and day before yesterday i headed towards the park behind serien's house.
the quiet one.
the one that no one visits.
i called up jo and ray.
and we spoke a lot.
i played 'i'm yours' seven times.
i sat there until they turned off the lamp lights.
i needed that time alone.
someone recently told me that there is a kind of weird space in my head where no one is allowed to enter.
i see what he meant,now.
the week that was, wasn't entirely bad.
i went to janupada,the slums near my house to click pictures for the photography contest.
soul searching.
i told them i was rupa didi from HT.
the slum kids posed.
even their mothers.
and they danced a lot too.
here are the final entries that i sent.
^somehow,his eyes and her radiant smile was what got me hooked onto this photograph.
^
this was their hrithik roshan pose.
they all seemed so unbelievely happy.
in all.
i realised that sometimes i just need to listen to what i say.
for the contest we had to give the picture a caption,
and it struck me just now about how relevant it was to my week.
the week that was.
and i was the one who wrote the caption.
hilarious.
"sometimes when you reach the end of the dark tunnel,you realise that the light that led you through it was indeed your radiant smile."
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
the sardar of my dreams.
"i suck"
X(
"sorry."
"why are YOU saying sorry?"
"just."
"bloody hell."
"do you wan't to talk about gay guys?"
"no."
"okay then lets talk about how guys wax their chest hair without tearing off their nipple."
"what?":O
"OR do you wan't to talk about all this latus rectum stuff?"
*pause for a moment*
*both start laughing*
^^typical conversation with jo.
as a blog tribute to jo because i have been meaning to do this as long as i have been writing this blog.
we have so much in common.
like the mood swings and the 'i suck' days.
and more.
so here is jo(V=iR remember?)
> the dreams we share.
dream #37:
i'm walking through this corridor with blue walls.
its school.
everyone is smiling at me.
i think for a moment.
"wow.im popular today."
suddenly a sardar comes to me out of nowhere.
he says-"where are all your clothes?"
thats when i figure it out.
im naked.
******
jo is the only other person i have met who gets the same dream.
the naked dreams.
except the sardar though.
jo:"sometimes i get naked dreams man."
soumya:"eh?"
me:"oh i get them too!and i always see this sardar too."
jo:"oh how nice.sardars and all."
its something to do with both me and jo being insecure.
i know it.
>our mood swings.
some days we are so happy,like nothing in the world,not even the mirror can make us flinch.
on other days we sit around and mope all day long,and not even orange candy can fix our moods.
some days jo goes around squeaking and laughing,drawing anime,imitating ragini and all.
the next moment she'll be throwing her portfolio at you with a grumpy face and say,"its okay.you don't need to pretend.i know i suck."
our moods can change in approximately 3.576 seconds.
yes.
and we love ourselves for it.
> we've planned out our lives already.
step1: get into NID or symbiosis or shrishti school of art or MIT.
step2: do whatever you want with your hair.jo is going bald and i'll get the whoopsiedaisies hairstyle.
step3: get out of college.
step4: make a lot of money.
step5: when you reach 30 years of age,contact each other.
step6:if you're still single,take the money and put it in a joint account.
step7:invest in a mutual fund.
step8: when the cash is ready,head off to a third world country.(probably brazil)
step9: locate some handsome men,desperately in need of money.
step10: pay them.share them.give them a bonus for a foot massage.
step11:die.
oh well.
thats the plan.
lets see if we can make it.
> the stephen sarvar story and the kasbekar story.
jo:"steve plays the drums."
me:"and basketball."
jo:"plus he's good looking."
me:"very."
jo:"plus he's a painter."
me:"yes,and a fantastic one at that."
jo:"plus he's a nice guy.he asked me to sit down.:)"
me:"true."
jo:"plus he's rich.very rich."
me:"damn right."
jo:"holy shit dude,steve's got everything and we've got nothing."
maybe.just maybe steve has SOME fault,SOMEWHERE.
like a mole on his butt or something.
> all the nose tapping.
apparantly tapping my nose is fun.
tap tap tap tappatapatat.
it started during one of the boring math lectures.
jo discovered a new way of keeping herself entertained during integration.
yes.
for the love of differential calculus.
> i remember jo coming out of the last show of our annual day and looking grumpy as ever.
"i kicked don quixote's sword.and it flew and hit the bucket.and i almost fell.how's that for a dance?"
and the ride back home where you explained how J.N.S always forced its students to participate and so you had to dance in the 'pied piper show' dressed as a rat.
"i was a rat.with pink ears.and we just had this one step."
jo.
we love it when you dance.
*just nod*
>i remember the night we skipped dinner at vivum.and were alone in the dorm.
because we felt fat that day.
and we'd already had two pizzas and hot chocolate fudge in the afternoon.
and we talked all night.
about our height.
about our cousins.
about steve.
that night i realized you were so much like me.
and yet so unique in your own way.
i forgot the reason i had hated you when we'd first met.
>the time you started crying because i told you i was going to kill you with that blade.
they told me much later that you'd started crying.
i didn't mean it ofcourse.
but it was understood why i wanted the blade.
and i was pissed off na.
so thats why.
> for all the things we both hate:
1.Integration.
2.chibber.
3.hypocritical girls.
4.bald old men.
5.baldness in general.
6.rich spoilt people.
7.vanessa 'ANN' hudgens.
8.her cow type voice.
9.curvy miss.
10.jamnagar times with gathiya and thepla.
and the things we both love:
1.amy winehouse.:D
2.converse.
3.zaheer.
4.chest hair.(harhar!)
5.the ball scratcher voice.
6.ness' 'eh? oh.'
7.scoring a 'goal' in basket ball.(yeah.the one time i scored a basket,i shouted "yay.GOAL!" ftw)
8.chibber.oh well.
homo loving son of a dhokla.
9.printed bloomers.
10.sketching,sketching and more sketching.
oh well jo.
i hope your feeling happy today.
:)
^jo and me.
almost a year back.
she looks like hedwig.
and i look like a walnut chinned shubha mudgal.
its who we are.
X(
"sorry."
"why are YOU saying sorry?"
"just."
"bloody hell."
"do you wan't to talk about gay guys?"
"no."
"okay then lets talk about how guys wax their chest hair without tearing off their nipple."
"what?":O
"OR do you wan't to talk about all this latus rectum stuff?"
*pause for a moment*
*both start laughing*
^^typical conversation with jo.
as a blog tribute to jo because i have been meaning to do this as long as i have been writing this blog.
we have so much in common.
like the mood swings and the 'i suck' days.
and more.
so here is jo(V=iR remember?)
> the dreams we share.
dream #37:
i'm walking through this corridor with blue walls.
its school.
everyone is smiling at me.
i think for a moment.
"wow.im popular today."
suddenly a sardar comes to me out of nowhere.
he says-"where are all your clothes?"
thats when i figure it out.
im naked.
******
jo is the only other person i have met who gets the same dream.
the naked dreams.
except the sardar though.
jo:"sometimes i get naked dreams man."
soumya:"eh?"
me:"oh i get them too!and i always see this sardar too."
jo:"oh how nice.sardars and all."
its something to do with both me and jo being insecure.
i know it.
>our mood swings.
some days we are so happy,like nothing in the world,not even the mirror can make us flinch.
on other days we sit around and mope all day long,and not even orange candy can fix our moods.
some days jo goes around squeaking and laughing,drawing anime,imitating ragini and all.
the next moment she'll be throwing her portfolio at you with a grumpy face and say,"its okay.you don't need to pretend.i know i suck."
our moods can change in approximately 3.576 seconds.
yes.
and we love ourselves for it.
> we've planned out our lives already.
step1: get into NID or symbiosis or shrishti school of art or MIT.
step2: do whatever you want with your hair.jo is going bald and i'll get the whoopsiedaisies hairstyle.
step3: get out of college.
step4: make a lot of money.
step5: when you reach 30 years of age,contact each other.
step6:if you're still single,take the money and put it in a joint account.
step7:invest in a mutual fund.
step8: when the cash is ready,head off to a third world country.(probably brazil)
step9: locate some handsome men,desperately in need of money.
step10: pay them.share them.give them a bonus for a foot massage.
step11:die.
oh well.
thats the plan.
lets see if we can make it.
> the stephen sarvar story and the kasbekar story.
jo:"steve plays the drums."
me:"and basketball."
jo:"plus he's good looking."
me:"very."
jo:"plus he's a painter."
me:"yes,and a fantastic one at that."
jo:"plus he's a nice guy.he asked me to sit down.:)"
me:"true."
jo:"plus he's rich.very rich."
me:"damn right."
jo:"holy shit dude,steve's got everything and we've got nothing."
maybe.just maybe steve has SOME fault,SOMEWHERE.
like a mole on his butt or something.
> all the nose tapping.
apparantly tapping my nose is fun.
tap tap tap tappatapatat.
it started during one of the boring math lectures.
jo discovered a new way of keeping herself entertained during integration.
yes.
for the love of differential calculus.
> i remember jo coming out of the last show of our annual day and looking grumpy as ever.
"i kicked don quixote's sword.and it flew and hit the bucket.and i almost fell.how's that for a dance?"
and the ride back home where you explained how J.N.S always forced its students to participate and so you had to dance in the 'pied piper show' dressed as a rat.
"i was a rat.with pink ears.and we just had this one step."
jo.
we love it when you dance.
*just nod*
>i remember the night we skipped dinner at vivum.and were alone in the dorm.
because we felt fat that day.
and we'd already had two pizzas and hot chocolate fudge in the afternoon.
and we talked all night.
about our height.
about our cousins.
about steve.
that night i realized you were so much like me.
and yet so unique in your own way.
i forgot the reason i had hated you when we'd first met.
>the time you started crying because i told you i was going to kill you with that blade.
they told me much later that you'd started crying.
i didn't mean it ofcourse.
but it was understood why i wanted the blade.
and i was pissed off na.
so thats why.
> for all the things we both hate:
1.Integration.
2.chibber.
3.hypocritical girls.
4.bald old men.
5.baldness in general.
6.rich spoilt people.
7.vanessa 'ANN' hudgens.
8.her cow type voice.
9.curvy miss.
10.jamnagar times with gathiya and thepla.
and the things we both love:
1.amy winehouse.:D
2.converse.
3.zaheer.
4.chest hair.(harhar!)
5.the ball scratcher voice.
6.ness' 'eh? oh.'
7.scoring a 'goal' in basket ball.(yeah.the one time i scored a basket,i shouted "yay.GOAL!" ftw)
8.chibber.oh well.
homo loving son of a dhokla.
9.printed bloomers.
10.sketching,sketching and more sketching.
oh well jo.
i hope your feeling happy today.
:)
^jo and me.
almost a year back.
she looks like hedwig.
and i look like a walnut chinned shubha mudgal.
its who we are.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
wear a swimming cap and do some yoga.
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Wednesday, August 12, 2009
reasons to live.
so.
my earlier blogpost depressed some people.
and they have sworn they won't talk to me now.
i'd be stupid to believe them but then again they matter.
*points towards ramya and jo*
the day after writing the post i figured maybe i didn't want to die just yet.
the realisation was when i was at school.
here are some of the reasons i don't feel that way now:
1)i got integration ka three sums!!!
*jumps up and down*
after 3 months 5 days 4 hours 37 minutes 24 seconds i finally cracked a sum on my own.
major whoop man.
i think my brain is growing.
2)mom said she'll make chiken today.the roghenjosh one, which happens to be my favorite.
3)i'm going to flunk my first terminal but then again who won't.
and dad came up to me yesterday and he,yes HE told me not to take a lot of stress.
AND he said that even if i don't do well in boards its okay because ultimately im going into design.
and i already have a 93.57 in my 10th boards.
4)i think my life will change after 12th.
i wont have to derive anything.
integrate anything.
nothing.
just random sketching.
and i'll start my own line of customized shoes.
i'll sit at home,call up people,sip some mocha and paint converses.atleast till college begins.
now thats the life.
bliss.yes.
5)i and jyothi have planned out our lives.
we will get into a design college.
get out.
make a lot of money.
do a lot of stuff like mondo'ing and nose tapping.
And when we have made enough money we’ll buy a nice guy for ourself.
We might even give him a bonus for a foot massage:D
6) I have friends.
Great ones.
Ones who tap my nose and get hyper doing it.
Ones who tell me they aren’t talking to me and then come and ask me why I wrote that blogpost.
Ones who take out all the stuff out of my bag hoping they’ll find something interesting.
Ones who never message and yet manage to bother.
I live for them.
7)HUM JAB BADA HO JAYEGA NA ,TOH HUM APNE MARAD KE SAATH ‘SEXY THINGS’ KARENGA , AUR HUM APNA BALLS SCRATCH KARENGA.
HUM APNE MARAD KE LIYE NA ROTI BHI BANAYEGA AUR STRIP BHI KARENGA.
^don’t ask.
8)i figured that even though soumya and jo were right when they said that you don’t respond,you make me happy.talking to you makes me happy.
And I figured that I don’t need to search for a reason to be happy just to justify it.
^_^
9)aakriti’s cousin wants me to work for his design company.
Major shwoop man.XP
Even though I doubt he’ll take it seriously.
And a guy wants to feature my artwork on his website.
Even though all this might not work out eventually, for the moment its good.
10)these days podar plays weird songs during the lunch break via the public address system
And we all dance.
Yeah I dance too even though none of us really know how to dance.
The other day they played ‘aye mackarenna’.
Sayan did his ‘zaheer bum movement’ waala dance.
And khushboo did the ‘woohoo’ waala dance.
And jo did the ‘kindof breakdance’…
“bloody hell dude I can actually do this one step that is kindof like breakdance! seee.”
*danceswithhermouthopen*
Me: :I
*mouthshuts*
“just nod.”
And I did the robo-cum-nerd dance.
And manish did the pelvic thrust.
And ameya did the ‘sunny deol muscle’ thing.
I figured that it was the happiest part of my day.
I hope chibber does his seductress belly dancing one day.
11) chibber reminds me.
Chibber who is the most ‘bootylicious’ guy I have ever seen,
Apart from being the most ‘curvy’,
He is the BIGGEST guy I have ever come across.
Bigger than anirudh urs.
HE KICKED JO.
Jo kicked him back but hurt her leg instead.
“chibby you gay ass, kick someone your own size okay.”
Soumya: *starts shouting something *
Chibber : “ OKAY CHILL.”
Soumya : “BUTI’MNOTCHILLINGNA.”
*pauses*
“what did I just say?”
It was a blast.
Had I died that night I would have missed this.
12) dad got us some chocolate brownies yesterday.
And they were awesome.
:D
I mean whatever happens,chocolate brownies are always there man.
13) soumya is getting owen ka jersey.yay!
Haha im happy for her.
I want to see her wearing it.we all happy happy.
14)all said and done,the truth is the reason I am still alive is because I kindof figured I don’t want to.
I still have hope.
Balls.
:D
When the violence causes silence we must be mistaken.
Then you see.
Its not me.
Its not my.family.
In your head.in your head.they are fighting.
my earlier blogpost depressed some people.
and they have sworn they won't talk to me now.
i'd be stupid to believe them but then again they matter.
*points towards ramya and jo*
the day after writing the post i figured maybe i didn't want to die just yet.
the realisation was when i was at school.
here are some of the reasons i don't feel that way now:
1)i got integration ka three sums!!!
*jumps up and down*
after 3 months 5 days 4 hours 37 minutes 24 seconds i finally cracked a sum on my own.
major whoop man.
i think my brain is growing.
2)mom said she'll make chiken today.the roghenjosh one, which happens to be my favorite.
3)i'm going to flunk my first terminal but then again who won't.
and dad came up to me yesterday and he,yes HE told me not to take a lot of stress.
AND he said that even if i don't do well in boards its okay because ultimately im going into design.
and i already have a 93.57 in my 10th boards.
4)i think my life will change after 12th.
i wont have to derive anything.
integrate anything.
nothing.
just random sketching.
and i'll start my own line of customized shoes.
i'll sit at home,call up people,sip some mocha and paint converses.atleast till college begins.
now thats the life.
bliss.yes.
5)i and jyothi have planned out our lives.
we will get into a design college.
get out.
make a lot of money.
do a lot of stuff like mondo'ing and nose tapping.
And when we have made enough money we’ll buy a nice guy for ourself.
We might even give him a bonus for a foot massage:D
6) I have friends.
Great ones.
Ones who tap my nose and get hyper doing it.
Ones who tell me they aren’t talking to me and then come and ask me why I wrote that blogpost.
Ones who take out all the stuff out of my bag hoping they’ll find something interesting.
Ones who never message and yet manage to bother.
I live for them.
7)HUM JAB BADA HO JAYEGA NA ,TOH HUM APNE MARAD KE SAATH ‘SEXY THINGS’ KARENGA , AUR HUM APNA BALLS SCRATCH KARENGA.
HUM APNE MARAD KE LIYE NA ROTI BHI BANAYEGA AUR STRIP BHI KARENGA.
^don’t ask.
8)i figured that even though soumya and jo were right when they said that you don’t respond,you make me happy.talking to you makes me happy.
And I figured that I don’t need to search for a reason to be happy just to justify it.
^_^
9)aakriti’s cousin wants me to work for his design company.
Major shwoop man.XP
Even though I doubt he’ll take it seriously.
And a guy wants to feature my artwork on his website.
Even though all this might not work out eventually, for the moment its good.
10)these days podar plays weird songs during the lunch break via the public address system
And we all dance.
Yeah I dance too even though none of us really know how to dance.
The other day they played ‘aye mackarenna’.
Sayan did his ‘zaheer bum movement’ waala dance.
And khushboo did the ‘woohoo’ waala dance.
And jo did the ‘kindof breakdance’…
“bloody hell dude I can actually do this one step that is kindof like breakdance! seee.”
*danceswithhermouthopen*
Me: :I
*mouthshuts*
“just nod.”
And I did the robo-cum-nerd dance.
And manish did the pelvic thrust.
And ameya did the ‘sunny deol muscle’ thing.
I figured that it was the happiest part of my day.
I hope chibber does his seductress belly dancing one day.
11) chibber reminds me.
Chibber who is the most ‘bootylicious’ guy I have ever seen,
Apart from being the most ‘curvy’,
He is the BIGGEST guy I have ever come across.
Bigger than anirudh urs.
HE KICKED JO.
Jo kicked him back but hurt her leg instead.
“chibby you gay ass, kick someone your own size okay.”
Soumya: *starts shouting something *
Chibber : “ OKAY CHILL.”
Soumya : “BUTI’MNOTCHILLINGNA.”
*pauses*
“what did I just say?”
It was a blast.
Had I died that night I would have missed this.
12) dad got us some chocolate brownies yesterday.
And they were awesome.
:D
I mean whatever happens,chocolate brownies are always there man.
13) soumya is getting owen ka jersey.yay!
Haha im happy for her.
I want to see her wearing it.we all happy happy.
14)all said and done,the truth is the reason I am still alive is because I kindof figured I don’t want to.
I still have hope.
Balls.
:D
When the violence causes silence we must be mistaken.
Then you see.
Its not me.
Its not my.family.
In your head.in your head.they are fighting.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
the prophet's papyrus.
question: how does a girl,who jumps into a rabbit hole plummeting into chaos,come out of the other end, clean and unbruised??
answer: she doesn't.
now that im 17 im hopefully wiser than what i was some years back.
so here are the 10 basics that i live my life by.
and i wouldn't give them up for nothing.
the blog is my papyrus.
and im the prophet,
except the beard.
1) never betray.
ever.
it's the saddest thing that you could do to hurt someone.
i know i would never betray anyone because im scared of betrayal.
when you break someone's trust you break faith.
it's the one thing in life you just cannot undo.
and to go back to your bedroom everynight thinking that someone somewhere is crying because of you is just plain sad.
p.s-Omissions IS betrayal.
2)never equivocate.
its one heck of a tiring task,flipping between the opinions of people.
thats why i never like changelings.
they say something to you,try to win you over and then go and say something totally different to someone else.
but when they go and ask themselves about it they have no answer.just vaccuum.
i was like that till my sixth.
and then i realised that all i had was others opinions about things.
i had never really bothered with what i wanted.
and so i changed.
i don't anymore because i know i don't want to be 90 years old,lying on my deathbed wondering whether i really liked pancakes or not.
p.s-i don't like pancakes.i like bibinca.
3)always say sorry.
even if its not your fault.
yeah i know what you're thinking.ego and all?
i think people waste half their lifetime being sad about something,hating someone,feeling betrayed by someone.
to me,a person is so much more than my ego.
so i go ahead and say sorry.
someday someone has to.
and communication is the key to bliss.
every aquaintance today, is a potential best friend.
4)forgive.
for some reason forgiveness comes easily to me.don't ask me why.it just does.
someday or the other,the burden will take a toll on you.
better get rid of it.
when i was in the 2nd standard i remember very distinctly,i'd slapped my K.V p.e teacher.
he was a 40 year old man and an 8 yr old had just slapped him on his face.
i still remember the look on his face.
it was red.
but he just laughed.
he didn't slap me back.
looking back now,its not like i have been slapping my teachers just because i know they won't slap me back.
instead,
i feel awful about it now.
when you are 40,you deserve to be respected.
and i respect people because of that one shailesh sir.
THAT is the power of forgiveness.
5)express yourself fearlessly.
the very reason this blog was born.
im still trying with this one.
i have been told by so many people now that i've lost count.
i guess my cousin Rio put it across best.
he said-"i've always believed that you have great depth and a maturity that goes beyond your age.but you're too shy to show it.maybe a little afraid even.don't keep it bottled."
so i write.
i write what i feel.and i know there are people who keep telling me that im an attention seeker because i write about myself.
but i still write.
because its the only way i can express myself.
always write down what you feel,your thoughts.jot them down then and there.
you might need to remind yourself about your own thoughts later on.
6)never compare.
possibly the hardest thing to do.
because when you're old enough to realize that it was of no use all that time,
it'll be too late.
there will always be people better than you and you'll have to live with it.
each time i compare myself with anyone of my friends i realize i have just wasted moments of my life on absolute nothingness.
and i have 58 years more to live(considering i live till 75 average)
so i'd rather just move on.
7)always do what makes you happier.
even if it means suicide.
yeah if thats what will make you happy,go die.
there are things in my life that make me flippy.
and there are people who tell me to shut up because its nothing big enough to make me happy.
i don't need a reason to be happy.
so if you see me really happy one day,dont bother asking me for a reason.
because that'll burst my bubble.
and i'd be a little less happy from that moment on.
^this sounded really bad didn't it?
8)compromise.negotiate.communicate.justify.
a compromise does not make you any smaller,only more adjusting.
negotiate,because you get better at it with age.
communicate because without it you're just a cannibal.
justify,because you can.
9)always take the off-beaten path.
normal is boring.
weird is good.
striving for something different,carving your own way.its so much more fulfilling.
its the one thing im incredibly proud of in myself.
when people told me i was different in the sixth i'd take it the wrong way.
today everything i do i try and do it as abstract as it can get.
and it never goes wrong.
"the beaten path is the safest,but the traffic is terrible"
-jeff taylor.
10)try and remember the good things.
the things that remind you to breathe.and live on.
there are things in your life that make your day.your friends and all those who matter.
these are the people who will cry for you when you die.
they will carry forward memories of you and your life.
and thats how you become immortal.
if for nothing else,live on, for that.
you won't regret it.
p.s- i write way too much.and think too much.and draw too much.bah.forgive me.
^^ and this is the card i made for divya.splashing ink is so much fun.especially on your bum.
ok maybe not.
answer: she doesn't.
now that im 17 im hopefully wiser than what i was some years back.
so here are the 10 basics that i live my life by.
and i wouldn't give them up for nothing.
the blog is my papyrus.
and im the prophet,
except the beard.
1) never betray.
ever.
it's the saddest thing that you could do to hurt someone.
i know i would never betray anyone because im scared of betrayal.
when you break someone's trust you break faith.
it's the one thing in life you just cannot undo.
and to go back to your bedroom everynight thinking that someone somewhere is crying because of you is just plain sad.
p.s-Omissions IS betrayal.
2)never equivocate.
its one heck of a tiring task,flipping between the opinions of people.
thats why i never like changelings.
they say something to you,try to win you over and then go and say something totally different to someone else.
but when they go and ask themselves about it they have no answer.just vaccuum.
i was like that till my sixth.
and then i realised that all i had was others opinions about things.
i had never really bothered with what i wanted.
and so i changed.
i don't anymore because i know i don't want to be 90 years old,lying on my deathbed wondering whether i really liked pancakes or not.
p.s-i don't like pancakes.i like bibinca.
3)always say sorry.
even if its not your fault.
yeah i know what you're thinking.ego and all?
i think people waste half their lifetime being sad about something,hating someone,feeling betrayed by someone.
to me,a person is so much more than my ego.
so i go ahead and say sorry.
someday someone has to.
and communication is the key to bliss.
every aquaintance today, is a potential best friend.
4)forgive.
for some reason forgiveness comes easily to me.don't ask me why.it just does.
someday or the other,the burden will take a toll on you.
better get rid of it.
when i was in the 2nd standard i remember very distinctly,i'd slapped my K.V p.e teacher.
he was a 40 year old man and an 8 yr old had just slapped him on his face.
i still remember the look on his face.
it was red.
but he just laughed.
he didn't slap me back.
looking back now,its not like i have been slapping my teachers just because i know they won't slap me back.
instead,
i feel awful about it now.
when you are 40,you deserve to be respected.
and i respect people because of that one shailesh sir.
THAT is the power of forgiveness.
5)express yourself fearlessly.
the very reason this blog was born.
im still trying with this one.
i have been told by so many people now that i've lost count.
i guess my cousin Rio put it across best.
he said-"i've always believed that you have great depth and a maturity that goes beyond your age.but you're too shy to show it.maybe a little afraid even.don't keep it bottled."
so i write.
i write what i feel.and i know there are people who keep telling me that im an attention seeker because i write about myself.
but i still write.
because its the only way i can express myself.
always write down what you feel,your thoughts.jot them down then and there.
you might need to remind yourself about your own thoughts later on.
6)never compare.
possibly the hardest thing to do.
because when you're old enough to realize that it was of no use all that time,
it'll be too late.
there will always be people better than you and you'll have to live with it.
each time i compare myself with anyone of my friends i realize i have just wasted moments of my life on absolute nothingness.
and i have 58 years more to live(considering i live till 75 average)
so i'd rather just move on.
7)always do what makes you happier.
even if it means suicide.
yeah if thats what will make you happy,go die.
there are things in my life that make me flippy.
and there are people who tell me to shut up because its nothing big enough to make me happy.
i don't need a reason to be happy.
so if you see me really happy one day,dont bother asking me for a reason.
because that'll burst my bubble.
and i'd be a little less happy from that moment on.
^this sounded really bad didn't it?
8)compromise.negotiate.communicate.justify.
a compromise does not make you any smaller,only more adjusting.
negotiate,because you get better at it with age.
communicate because without it you're just a cannibal.
justify,because you can.
9)always take the off-beaten path.
normal is boring.
weird is good.
striving for something different,carving your own way.its so much more fulfilling.
its the one thing im incredibly proud of in myself.
when people told me i was different in the sixth i'd take it the wrong way.
today everything i do i try and do it as abstract as it can get.
and it never goes wrong.
"the beaten path is the safest,but the traffic is terrible"
-jeff taylor.
10)try and remember the good things.
the things that remind you to breathe.and live on.
there are things in your life that make your day.your friends and all those who matter.
these are the people who will cry for you when you die.
they will carry forward memories of you and your life.
and thats how you become immortal.
if for nothing else,live on, for that.
you won't regret it.
p.s- i write way too much.and think too much.and draw too much.bah.forgive me.
^^ and this is the card i made for divya.splashing ink is so much fun.especially on your bum.
ok maybe not.
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