she smiles.(part 2 )

december 2009
los angeles.


she wakes up with a start.

everything seems smudgy.she squints to look at her digital clock.1:30p.m it says.
she had been sleeping for seven hours now.
she was drained.
her palm pilot beeps again.
the bright light makes her cringe.

its jerry.
he was still in honk kong.his flight has been delayed by five hours.

she looks at the picture again.
something about the picure makes her cry.


*******************************************************************************


they had been best friends.jay and her.
all through middle school.
it was only in the last two years of high school that they had started dating.
by that time,they both knew each other so well that it scared them.
scared that one day the other will change and life would just fall apart.

scared that one day it will end.
but they never spoke about it.
they never let it show.

with every passing day that day came closer and closer.
the day high school ended.
the day both of them would tread different roads to their dreams.
their dreams were different.
their roads were different.

it was the beginning of the end.
would they make it?

********************************************************************************

present day los angeles.



she rushes to her bedroom.quickly ties her hair into a messy ponytail.
she doesn't have time.
she flips open her laptop and props it on her lap.

he has got to be there.

she logs in.
welcome to facebook.
11 new notifications.
1 bear hug from annabelle
1 from jerry.
she doen't have time.

her hand quivers with the thought.
search:'jay saxena' she types.
displaying 9 results for:jay saxena


there he is.
slightly balding.
his face grinning.

and then those eyes.

"same old jay".

*******************************************************************************

july 1997

college began in july.
jay went away to australia for pilot training.she always knew he wanted to be a pilot.
and now he was going.

"you'll be fine.and so will i."he beamed.

those were his last words for her.
his last words before he swerved around and walked towards the checking counter.
towards his new life.

his new life of which she wasn't a part of.
he wrote back only twice.




*******************************************************************************

present day LA.



its an open profile.
she clicks.
photos of jay saxena(13).
she laughs.
he never liked taking photographs of himself even then.he could never stand still.always making those faces.

so much so that even when the farewell group photograph was being taken jay was making a squirmy face,making elf ears for the girl standing next to him.
and yet in every photograph of his you just couldn't miss the laughter in his eyes.
it was always there.
he was a jock.
everyone loved him.
loved him for the laughter that he radiated through his smile.

they always looked at his smile.
but she looked at his eyes.
for her,
it was there.

******************************************************************************

june 1999


she reads the message again and again.
he was coming.
he said he wanted to meet.
he wanted to talk.

it was his first message in almost two years.
not much had changed in the past two years.
she was studying design in bombay.
she still thought about him every single day.
yearning for a simple letter,an email or even a signal.
nothing at all.
and now he was coming.


they had decided to meet at the bench.
near the tennis court.
it had been their hiding spot for as long as she could remember.
it was theirs.
.
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.
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.
she waited.
but he didn't turn up.

she knew he wouldn't turn up.
she knew him too well.
it was his way of saying it was the end.


she had waited far too long for him to turn up.
for a moment his eyes flashed in front of her.
she smiled despite herself.


*******************************************************************************


present day LA.



her palm pilot beeps again.


1 message received.
its jerry.
he's on his way.
she doesn't have time.

she looks through his photographs.
his american wife lucy.
a memory haunts her.
she diverts her attention to him.

'add as a friend'
she clicks.


even though she knows he would NEVER accept it.


she wanted him back in her life.
she wanted to restore that sanity.
she wanted jay to know.again.
she wanted him to be guilty of the fact that she still thought about him and he did nothing.
nothing.

but more than anything,she wanted to apologize.
she hated herself for it.
she wanted to say she was sorry even though it wasn't even her fault.
he mattered to her more than her ego.
.
.
.
.
.
.
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.
.
.
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.
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.
.
but how could she.
it was too late.
he would never accept the friend request.



september 2007.

it was the most terrifying moment of her life.
she hadn't touched her cold coffee.
she fiddled with the foam on top.

what did she want now?
and why?




she was sitting across lucy.
lucy was beyond pretty.
her eyes glittered when she looked.
but she looked tired and drained.like the life had been sucked out of her.



finally after a moment of awkard silence lucy spoke.
five words that would haunt her forever.




"jay died three weeks back"

it took her a moment to recollect every word and make sense out of it.
she couldn't cry.
not now.
she looked up at her.and then they cried.


in that moment,they bonded,
in memory of a man they once loved.





she smiles,despite herself.